seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
