they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
