Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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