Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
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Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
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We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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