on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
