How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
