i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
