I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
