do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
