Pants 0. Shit 1.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
