It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
