So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
