I think my fart just growled at me.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
