all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
