I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
