to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
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I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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