Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just high enough for therapy.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
