there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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