The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When are your genitals available?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize