you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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