did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
