Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
