and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
