I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
