Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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