he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
