After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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