You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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