Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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