Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
