Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
