so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
