Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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