I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
