next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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