if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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