yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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