when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
