I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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