We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
