I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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