We won't sleep together?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
