plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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