So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
