I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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