well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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