Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
