She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
