Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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