i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
