Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she told me i tasted like america
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
