The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
And then he peed in my hair
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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