I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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