He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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