I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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