Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
