I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
