Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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