Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
