sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
