Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
