She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
