I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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