I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
