I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
