Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
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I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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