nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
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i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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