I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
