Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
