I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
