i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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