WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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