it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
