So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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