i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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