Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
