like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
