Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
