So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
