Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
