why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
