someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
