we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
