My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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